Casting Call
Current Casting Call: Jackie Chan Adventures!
Jackie-
No brainer. Chan’s the Man- he’s got the moves, the brains, and the style. Plus, you know . . . he’s Jackie.
Jade-
Zhang Ziyi. You wanna talk spunk? I’ll show you spunk. Not to mention Zhang’s got some killer moves, and is a damn good actress, as well- Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon should prove that. The only foreseeable problem is her age, but check her out here- she could play twelve, no problem. Or, maybe the movie could be set later . . .?
Uncle-
Sab Shimono. I apologize for the bad picture, but this is the only one I could find. For more of Sab, watch that gorgeously campy movie The Shadow, and you can get a good look at him playing Val Kilmer’s manservant in the beginning. I think. Anyway, he’s the shriveled old guy with the glasses. Looks just like Uncle. And, obviously, he’s good actor, cause he gives Uncle so much spunk.
Tohru-
Ace Yonamine. Okay, who here saw The Replacements? You know, the football movie with Keanu Reeves? Yeah, this is the guy. With the egg scene. I . . . I don’t want to delve too far into that. Anyway, why Ace? Because he’s the only small-sized Sumo I could find who acts in anything and speaks even a smidgen of English.
Viper-
Catherine Zeta-Jones. The most gorgeous woman, like, ever. Miss Zeta-Jones is a brilliant actress, too, and can pull off the sassy-spunky-sexy-and-and-slightly-ridiculous attitude that Viper has. Plus, she’s already played a hot art thief in a black cat-suit.
El Toro-
The Rock *smirks*. I know, there’s probably a million Mexican wrestlers out there who are better suited, but I’m too lazy to look. Besides, his face would be covered up with that damn mask most of the time. Um . . . yeah. The Rock is big. The Rock can smash stuff. He can play an idiot very accuratly *coughs*. Yay, Rock.
Paco-
Frankie Muniz. Yes, he's not spanish, but damn, you wanna talk goldfish eyes . . . little freak.
Ct. Black-
Bruce Willis. No, seriously! The man has the right blend of good-natured humor and slightly-paranoid OCD to play Captain Black. He's also someone who exudes confidence, bad-assness, and morals. And he looks good bald. Plus, he's already proven he's not above doing a kids movie- he was the voice of Spike in Rugrats Go Wild (I work in a movie theatre, okay? I have to know things like this. Even if they involve horrid movies).
Valmont-
Julian Sands. Need we explain? This very sexy british man is not only Valmont’s voice actor, but looks like him, as well. Or, well, *was* Valmont's voice actor. Till totally-not-hot Greg Ellis took over. BLEGH. So, yeah. Julian.
*However*, there is a backup. If Julian can’t take the role, who else will fill the fine Italian leather shoes of our dear Valmont? Well, yet another sexy british man who speacializes in villains. Ladies and Ladies, say hello to Jason Isaacs. In his Lucius hair. And look! LOOK! He even has the pimp cane!
Chow-
Collin Chou! You know this guy from the Matrix movies. Seraph, as he was called, specialized in butt-whoop, and displayed some pretty impressive acting chops, as well. As Chow is the best fighter of the Dark Hand (other than Hak Foo), this is good. And he looks good in sunglasses, as well. Go, Collin!
Finn-
I only know Robert Carlyle from the god-awful and bizarre Formula 51 movie with Samuel L Jackson, but he impressed me there. He has the quick wits needed to play Finn, though his accent is somewhat of a problem. Maybe Finn can *actually* be Irish?
Ratso-
Brad Garrett. Need I really explain? He looks like him, he plays a guy like him on Everybody Loves raymond, and he's . . . well, he is him. Brad Garrett *is* Ratso. I have no other argument, but just try to find someone better for this role. You'll fail.
Hak Foo-
Uhhhhhh . . .
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh . . .
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh . . .
Look! A man in Chicken suit! *flees*
Shendu-
CGI. Did you really expect something else?